PoynteBlank vs. The World

Two Pictures.....

2007-04-10T08:37:00.000-04:00

So I keep saying I'm going to post something on here, and then I never get around to it. It's not that I don't want to, it's just hard to make time for it anymore. With my super-crappy work schedule, not to mention the strict "no-Internet" policy at work, the only time I'm ever online is at home. And most of that time seems to be spent working on homework......

Nonetheless, I hereby vow to do a better job at updating this thing. I think the key is to start small---my goal is to do one new post a week. So, while I work on this week's post, enjoy these pictures I found online this morning.

Umm....motion denied?

2007-02-11T17:41:00.000-05:00

So as a few of you might be aware, I've been taking a few classes in order to become a paralegal. I've been working on this for a while, actually, but recently switched to a bigger/(hopefully) better program. Anywho, I was reading through what people had posted for one of the assignments today, and someone from Atlanta posted this so I thought I should share it.

"A 1996 District Court case in Georgia involved a particularly litigious prisoner who filed a civil case against a district judge. Through the course of the case, the litigant, Mathew Washington, began filing frivolous motions on a weekly basis, resulting in more than seventy-five pleadings. Most notorious was a motion titled "Motion to Kiss My A$$" (How awesome is that?-pb). Other motions filed by the plaintiff included:"

"Motion to Behoove an Inquisition"
"Motion to Exhume Body of Alex Hodgson"
"Motion for Restoration of Sanity"
"Motion to Invoke and Execute"
"Motion for Deinstitutionalization"
"Motion for Skin Change Operation"
"Motion for Publicity"
"Motion for Nunc pro Tunc"
"Motion for Psychoanalysis"
"Motion to Impeach Judge Alaimo"
"Motion to Renounce Citizenship"
"Motion for Catered Food Services"
"Motion to Invoke and Execute Rule 15-Retroactive Note: The Court's School Days are Over"

Perhaps it's because I've been trying to decipher old court cases for about the past 6 hours and can no longer think straight, but for some reason I was cracking up at a couple of these, especially the first one.

The second part of today's post, (I'm trying to make up for lost time here I guess), is a list of things from one of my favorite writers Dave Berry. I've read quite a few of his books, and used to pretty regularly read his weekly column in the paper. And while I usually despise lists like these, I thought a couple of these were pretty good, and what the heck? If nothing else, it's a good space filler, right?

16 Things it took me a long time to learn

By: Dave Barry, National Syndicated Columnist

1. Never, never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be "meetings".
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "obsessive compulsive behavior".
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody, in this day and age, who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we still observe daylight saving time.
10.You should never say anything to a woman when she asks "Does this dress make my butt look big?" It will be the WRONG answer, no matter what you say.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is about age 12.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention, it never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
16.Thought for the day: Men are like a fine wine...They all start out as grapes, and it is up to some woman to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Purple Rain!!

2007-02-10T00:36:00.000-05:00

Prince listens to determine if anyone is as awesome as he is. He waited a while, heard no response, and resumed the show with unchecked awesomeness.

Two announcements I am (rightfully) getting flak for not mentioning before now, even though I haven't really had a lot of time to update this trainwreck until very recently:

1. As I have yet to mention it, I feel compelled (read: forced) to mention the Official Wife's career in the local show business. She is currently wrapping up a "wife" role in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, which involves quite a bit of both singing and dancing. The movie version (?) features a very shirtless Donny Osmond, if that gives you any ideas. (Not those kind of ideas, Brad...)

Having some months back completed a role in The Sound of Music, this is her second full fledged theater experience. Congrats again for a job well done both times, I know a lot of hard work went into both. And yes, I did watch both shows in their entirety, before anyone asks.

2. I am officially "Uncle PB", as the Official Sister of PB (aka the Cap'n)and Cooter became first time parents very early in the morning of January 26th. In my family's continued quest to populate the world with a race of giants, baby Aly weighed in at a whopping 8lbs 10 oz, and was just a shade under 21 inches long. Not to brag, but that's still one full pound and about 4 inches shorter than than my daughter when she was born 2 short years ago. Better luck next time, kiddo. The plan is to Oregon Trail it westward next weekend to see them all in person, so I'll let you all know if and how that goes. Again, congrats all around.

Alright, well, it's late and I'm tired--I'm running on about 4 1/2 hours of sleep, I answered the phone 97 times today (literally, I actually counted), and I've got a long day of nothing planned tomorrow, so I'm out of here. Feel free to revel in the above gloriously awesome "Artist Formerly Known as the Artist Formerly Known as Prince" picture I stole, who despite the monsoons put on probably one of the best Superbowl Halftime shows I've ever seen last weekend.

Bugatti Veyron

2007-02-07T21:36:00.000-05:00

Bugatti Veyron at top speed

Seeing things like this amazes the crap out of me...First, how is something like this even possible? Second, who buys these things? I know I've talked about this car before, but to see it in action like this, wow. Favorite new automotive stat: at top speed, the tires on the Veyron would only last 15 minutes, but you'd run out of gas in 12 minutes...

On a related note, how great is Top Gear? It's like the car show every guy would make if they could. There was talk of a U.S. version, but I don't know what ever happened to it. If you haven't seen it before, try to check out an episode or two on Youtube of Google Video, it's pretty sweet.

2007-02-05T14:44:00.000-05:00

I was wrong.....

Apparently you can mix Canadians, French Hip Hop, and Free Running....Who knew?

Goodbye Old Friend..........

2006-07-18T13:39:00.000-04:00

Snickers 1992-2006

Situational Self Awareness Test

2006-07-14T07:54:00.000-04:00

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level. Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

Answer below:

Get off the children's "Merry-Go-Round", you're drunk.

More than meets the eye?

2006-06-09T14:03:00.000-04:00

So this poster was (finally) just released, even though people have been talking about this movie for months. It seems rediculous that it's taken Hollywood 20 some years to cash in on what was essentially one big long toy commercial. Although I'm glad they did, because had they tried to do this before, they most assuredly would have screwed it up.

Now, they've got the CG technology, and perhaps most importantly, the perfect man in the drivers seat: Michael Bay (see Bad Boys I/II, The Rock, Armageddon, Pearl Habor--basically any movie where the explosions and special effects are more important than the actual "story").

So if you're looking for me or any other guy next July 4th, try your local movie theater. This is gonna be huge........

Ha

2006-05-23T14:00:00.000-04:00

This picture always cracks me up, so I thought I'd share......

Remember, remember, the fifth of November.....

2006-04-25T09:20:00.000-04:00

Couple of quotes from one of my new favorite movies, V for Vendetta, which I finally saw this past weekend:

V:This is the most important moment in your life... Commit to it.

V:I, like God, do not play with dice and do not believe in coincidence.

V: Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is it vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose so let me simply add that it's my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V.

Evey Hammond: Are you like a crazy person?

V: I'm quite sure they will say so.

Pointless....

2006-04-13T13:51:00.000-04:00

No real point to this, just thought it was funny.

Discuss........

2006-04-03T12:20:00.000-04:00

As I sit here at my desk, doing anything I can to not actually do any "work", I've decided to make a list of my past automotive exploits. Some of you have referred to my car ownership history as "excessive", or perhaps a bit "compulsive". But with my ultra-short attention span and penchant for getting bored with things within a few hours, I think it's rather fitting.

And so, at the risk of firing-up the benevolent Mrs. PB, (again), I've decided to post this list for your discussion. Tell me what you think. Maybe you liked a car, maybe you hated it. Maybe you were a passenger in the Fiero when we wedged 3 people in there, with the middle person standing up out of the sunroof while the car was going down the interstate. Whatever the case may be, I'm curious to see what other people may remember about a car that I've likely forgotten, provided none of these stories will result in any sort of jail time for me or anyone else involved.

(It should probably be noted this list is chronological, starting at the top with the S-10 and ending with the current Optima. Concurrent ownership of vehicle(s) is indicated laterally.)

Which Sports Car Are You?

2006-02-28T13:23:00.000-05:00

*Edit*
It was brought to my attention, (thank you very much...), that I am not as competitive as the Corvette would imply, so when I took the quiz again I got a better result. Kind of weird, I've always wanted a Miata......

I'm a Mazda Miata!

You like to soak up the sun, but your tastes are down to earth. Everyone thinks you're cute. Life is a winding road, and you like to take the curves in stride. Let other people compete in the rat race - you're just here to enjoy the ride.

Take the quiz.

How to spend $1 million dollars in 10 seconds......

2006-02-23T09:18:00.000-05:00

*UPDATES*
-This guy was being investigated for a bunch of stuff, including fraud and involvement in the Swedish Mafia (?)
-He allegedly was drinking at a party in Malibu prior to the accident, and was challenged to a race with a Mercedes McLaren SLR. The accident occured during that race, where the speeds may have reached almost 200 mph
-Apparently this guy "owned" 2 Enzos, although the Bank of Sweden was in the process of reposessing this one
-Insurance has already stated they will not cover this, due to the suspicious nature of the accident. That means this will be a total loss for whoever actually owns this car.

I saw this online yesterday, and told the official wife of PB I would post these on here today.

So apparently some guy trying to be cool in his Ferrari Enzo, goes cruising down this road in southern California at like 130 mph and loses control.

(For those of you keeping score at home, the Ferrari Enzo is a limited production Ferrari supercar, which costs somewhere in the neighborhood of $1 million dollars plus the fact that in order to even buy one, you have to own another Ferrari first. It could also be noted the Enzo is completely capable of going 200+ mph, although I don't think they'd recommend it on a back road.)

The initial report said they found a guy still strapped into the passenger seat with a busted lip, and no driver. The guy said the driver was "some German guy", who jumped out of the car and ran into the hills. Police found blood on the driver's airbag, but not the passenger's. Hmm........that sounds, interesting. I guess it turns out this guy was wasted, and after the crash jumped out of the driver seat, jumps into the passenger seat, and pretends to be some confused innocent passenger. I know the guy was drunk, but that's the best story you can come up with?

The resulting crash scene stretched out for almost a mile, with the engine sitting about a 1/4 mile from the rest of the car. The body of a Ferrari Enzo is primarily carbon fiber, which is great for saving weight, but doesn't really withstand a crash very well. Although the fact that the guy walked away from this is pretty amazing.....

Poll

2006-02-21T08:11:00.000-05:00

I guess it's been a while since I was last here huh? Haven't really had too much to post about lately, plus I've been moderately busy at work. Not usually with work related stuff, just while I'm here---slacking off, mostly.

I imagine most of you know about the demise of the Civics, and subsequently the arrival of the Audi. What the Audi needs most is a new paint job, which I was going to have Maaco do for like $250 bucks.

This morning though, in my Internet travels, I discovered a way to paint it myself for like $50 bucks. So now I need to pick a color---I thought I might throw this out to you fine folks and see what colors you would suggest.

So go ahead, be honest---feel free to pick a couple colors if you like them.

(You might notice the lack of a "pink" option, Cooter, so don't even think about it.....)

Don't quote me.......

2006-01-27T07:17:00.000-05:00

"Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it." ~Ellen Degeneres~

Mel Gibson is insane

2006-01-17T13:38:00.000-05:00

I've mentioned this to a couple of you, but I finally got a pic to share.

Apocaylpto is an "action/adventure" movie about the decline of the Mayan empire, written and directed by Mel Gibson. Crazy Mel Gibson. How crazy?

That crazy.

Mel thought it would be cool to put an Easter Egg of himself into his own movie trailer, about 3/4 of the way through it. It's almost impossible to see at full speed, but if you go frame by frame you can see it pretty clearly.

Anyway, I thought it was pretty funny, and definitely worth sharing.

Fork in the Road........

2006-01-16T12:17:00.000-05:00

(This is a purely hypothetical situation mind you, but I do appreciate your opinions should a similar situation ever present itself. It should be also noted that some opinions have been made quite clear, and repeatedly, but feel free to give them again. Finally, you're not choosing someone to die like you might have in gc's blog the other day, so no pressure.)

Multiple Choice:

1)Say you had a small amount of money set aside that you really wanted to do something "fun" with. Would you rather:

A) Buy an upcoming PS3, because it's going to be awesome

B) Spend that money continuing a project that's been sitting in your driveway for 4 months now

C) Sell said project in your driveway, but keeping with the auto theme, do something to your everyday car that you've always wanted to do

D) Buy a motorcycle

E) Take a vacation sometime

F) Stop being selfish, you're too old for fun, and there are other things you could use the money on

Parallel Universe

2006-01-12T13:18:00.000-05:00

What my life would be like, if I was born as a polar bear:

Snakes on a Plane!!!

2006-01-10T14:28:00.000-05:00

Snakes + Plane = Snakes on a Plane

Here's a quick plot summary, in cartoon form:

And some gear to wear when you go see it:

So there you go kids---Snakes on a Plane, tell your friends.

So it ends......

2006-01-03T12:04:00.000-05:00

So it's over---I ate meat today.

Exactly 6 months after I began, I am no longer a vagitarian. I had a grilled chicken sandwich for lunch today, which was delicious by the way, thereby ending my vegetable exodus.

"Verily, he went unto the meat and yea, it was good".

Before I get questions, complaints, cries of outrage or protest let me explain---this whole thing for me was to accomplish a specific purpose. I was trying to get my self to eat better, pure and simple. Eating better means feeling better, and I was feeling like crap after every meal.

Now I'm the kind of person that turns things like this into a slippery slope, however, and so knew that if I was ever gonna accomplish what I wanted I would have to go whole hog, so to speak. No meat, period.

Which worked, for a while. But here we are, 6 months later and ~25 lbs lighter, and I feel like I've accomplished what I set out to do. I feel much better, and I certainly eat better (most of the time, not so much over the holidays though, way too much sugar).

The problem I was running into was protein wasting---I just can't get enough without the meat. I know some of the weight I lost was muscle mass, which I had planned on. But lately my muscles have been pretty sore after doing stuff, and I've been way too grumpy for no apparent reason, both serious signs of protein deficiency. It was literally to the point where I was actually checking out supplements, and I thought to myself "This is retarded, why am I going to go out and spend that kind of money when the answer lies right in front of me?"

So I am from here on out adding chicken to my list of acceptable foods, and possibly turkey. No red meat and no pork though, although I suspect eventually pork may cross the line into acceptable. I'm not sure anyone really cares, except maybe Mrs. PB, who will probably be ecstatic both that I mentioned her and that I'm eating chicken again.

So that's it, just a little note to anyone bored enough to read this. I'm happy with my decision, and still feel like I'm accomplishing what I set out to do.

Cars!

2005-12-29T09:33:00.000-05:00

For the last 10 years or so, I’ve made it a point to go to the annual auto show here in town. It fits in well with my car obsession, and at this point it’s kind of a post-Christmas tradition. For whatever reason, time constraints or a general lack of interest by others, I hadn’t planned on going this year—and to be fair, it seems to have lost something over the last couple of years. But a couple of free tickets turned up, and so last night after a quick stop at Circle Center Mall to eat some delicious (and meat-free) Margherita pizza, we walked over to the Convention Center.
I had planned on taking the camera, since I’m the only person I know who doesn’t have a camera phone, but of course forgot it. Verdict: If you went last year, you really didn’t miss anything this year. Unfortunately, our show falls before the big ones in Detroit, New York, and LA, which is where most of the new cars are introduced. So most of the concept cars and new cars we get to see have been out for a while. Only two real things stick out in my mind as noteworthy:

2007 Saturn Sky
I’m a huge fan of the Solstice, and had big hopes for the Saturn version. I wasn’t disappointed---while the only real difference between the Sky and the Solstice is aesthetic, I think it just looks a lot better. The rounded Pontiac lines are replaced instead with more angular, exciting looking body work (hard to see in this pic) that seems to fit well with the concept. And for $20K, it’s hard to beat.

Concept/Limited Production Chrysler ME-Four Twelve
0-60 ~2.6 seconds, 800+ hp
I was very surprised to see this car there, especially when it was sitting all by itself way over in the corner. Nobody was even really looking at it, so I guess maybe people didn’t know what it was. Ever since the release of the Bugatti Veyron, the ME-Four Twelve has pretty much faded out of the public’s view. It’s still an awesome car, and I read somewhere that although Chrysler isn’t going to “officially” produce them, they will “custom” make you one for somewhere around a $1 million or so. Really not a bad deal, if you’ve got that kind of money and are in the Supercar market.

Caution: Rant Ahead

2005-12-22T10:34:00.000-05:00

It’s pretty nice to feel appreciated at work----that’s what I would be saying to you if I felt that way.
For the last couple weeks, (and really for longer than that, but I’ve really been noticing it lately), work has totally been giving me the shaft. Example: Two weeks ago, when we got like 7 inches of snow in 20 minutes or whatever, apparently the boss told everybody to leave early. Everybody, that is, except me---I sat here for probably an hour not knowing people had left, until someone was nice enough to walk through my half of the building and shut the lights off. Realizing what was going on, I then had to race out of the building before said person set the alarm.
Then, company Christmas party the following Saturday---I never even got invited. That doesn’t bother me as much, because I probably wouldn’t have gone anyway. But still......
And then that’s it for Christmas around here---no bonus, no gift, no “kiss my grits”. There’s a rumor of leaving early tomorrow, but it probably won’t happen. And even if it does, I doubt anyone will tell me about it.
Usually I wouldn’t care, whatever floats their boat. And it’s not like I need anything from work for Christmas, I mean sure a bonus or something would be nice…..it’s just that at every other job I’ve had, (and I’ve had some crappy ones..), I’ve been treated better than this. Talking to other people only reaffirms things---almost everyone I know either gets a little time off work, or a bonus, or even a Christmas ham—anything to make you feel remotely appreciated.
But the coup de grace, (and the reason for the ranting post, thanks for sticking with me this far) as the kids say, came just a few minutes ago. I ran into my boss’s boss, company president, down the hall. He was nice enough to tell me that since I didn’t have anything to do next week (what?) that I could work with the guys in the warehouse, outside!
Yeah, ummm…….no?
Whatever, I guess that’s it---I should be happy to have a job I guess, although with the way things are going I’m not gonna have this one for much longer. That’s my rant for the day, thanks for following along. If anyone has any advice, aside from the use of high explosives, let me know. It’s not that I’m ruling out the explosives, mind you, just keeping my options open.

It's Ninja Wheelie Time!!!

2005-12-16T13:00:00.000-05:00

Because I'm bored, I've spent the better part of the day surfing the Internet, not unlike gc does every day. As such, I stumbled on a bunch of movies coming out that I really want to see---some of them I had heard about, some I hadn't. I figured I'd throw a few posters up on here to see what other people thought, because going to the movies by yourself isn't all that fun.

1) The Ringer----Starring Johnny Knoxville, I'v been waiting for this movie to come out for over a year now. I don't know what the hold up was, but I'm glad it's finally coming out.

2) V for Vendetta----I had heard about this a while ago, but didn't know what it was. It's apparently an adaptation of a graphic novel, along the lines of Sin City. Look weird, but in a good way---plus it might have Natalie Portman in it, so.........

3) Hostel----Another weird film, along the lines of Saw and Cabin Fever, both of which I really liked. Not a lot of premise, you pretty much know what you're getting with these movies. Throw in Quentin Tarantino, and the fact that this is supposedly the goriest "major release" movie ever in the U.S., (depending on what review your read), and I'm all over it.

4) Underworld: Evolution----I also really liked the first Underworld, so I was glad to see they were making another one. I think any time a movie grosses $100 million dollars like the first one did, Hollywood starts drooling over sequels. Hopefully they don't screw it up, but we'll see. Again, you pretty much know going in what you're gonna get, you don't set your sights too high with some movies.

So that's enough for now I guess, there are others but I should at least pretend to get some work done today. Not that it really matters, mind you. Feel free to throw out anything else that might be upcoming, like I said I really had no idea so many movies were coming out that I wanted to see.

Congrats.......

2005-12-12T12:24:00.000-05:00

Just a quick double congratulations to the Cap'n---she'll be graduating from college and getting a job, all in a span of like a week.

I'm not too sure of the specifics, but I believe she will be helping old people. Maybe she said "hunting" old people, which would be waaaay more exciting, although it could get kinda messy.

Whatever the case, congrats--it's awesome that not only do you know what you want to do with your life, you're actually doing it. That's something very few people will ever accomplish, and you should be proud.

Other than that, not much else going on around here. Cold, supposed to start snowing again soon----yeeehaw. I can't believe it's almost Xmas, it seems like this year has flown by.

WWCND ?

2005-12-09T09:05:00.000-05:00

So yesterday we get like 7" of snow, and the whole city freaks out. Come on people, it's Indiana---it snows here. I know that's like some radical concept to people, but if you're gonna live in this wretched state you might want to get used to driving in snow. Any by "get used to it", I don't mean buy the biggest SUV or truck you can find and drive like 80 mph, which seems to be the common solution around here. 4 wheel drive is awesome for taking off, but doesn't do much for slowing you down. But I digress......the real reason of this post was to share this pic of Chuck Norris I found, which is awesome.

A day that will live in infamy.....

2005-12-07T09:29:00.000-05:00

Just a quick post today--the boss is riding me like a rented mule. But on this 64th anniversary of Pearl Harbor, and at the risk of sounding insensitive, I figured I should do something to lighten the mood a little.

Behold the funniest cd cover I have ever seen, stolen from Gaming Age Forum:

I just can't look at this picture and not crack up, I've tried. Resistance is futile---I have to find this cd now, just to hear what "thangs" Big Bear is "doin".

Man, I crack myself up.....

2005-11-10T13:12:00.000-05:00

For no reason other than they make me laugh every time I think about them, I’m gonna post a few of my favorite movie quotes. And if you haven’t seen any of these movies, leave your work/school/house immediately and go rent them right now, I'll cover for you.

(All of these were borrowed from IMDB.com)

National Lampoon’s Loaded Weapon 1

Capt. Doyle: Don't be so fast to thank me on this, Luger, because you're going to be naked on this one. It's on the line for you. People are going to be watching. Now you blow it, you're going down. You screw up, you're going to be hung out to dry. You drop the ball, you're going to be left twisting in the wind. If you embarrass this department, your pants will be dancing with figs. Is that clear?
Luger: Everything except for the dancing with figs part.

[Colt and Luger's car blows up]
Colt: Good thing we took valet.
Luger: Taxi!
[The taxi blows up]
Colt: I guess we're making somebody nervous. But I'll tell you this: It's gonna take a helluva lot more than a couple of car bombs to get us off of this case.
Luger: Not a helluva lot more.

Eurotrip

Hooligan: So I tell the swamp donkey to sock it before I give her a trunky in the tradesman's entrance and have her lick me yarbles!
[Laughs]
Cooper: Wow. You guys are on a completely different level of swearing here.

Brain Donors

Roland T. Flakfizer: I didn't know the meaning of the word "no," but he had it down pretty good.

Roland T. Flakfizer: Some day you'll have my children. In fact, they're in the car if you want them.

Roland T. Flakfizer: If there's anything I can ever do for you... forget it, because I don't do those kinds of things.

Jacques: Are you Roland T. Flakfizer?
Flakfizer: That all depends. Do I owe you money?
Jacques: No.
Flakfizer: In a drunken stupor, did I promise to marry you?
Jacques: No.
Flakfizer: Then I'm your man!

Top Secret

General Streck, German High Command: [Talking on the phone] What is the condition of Sergeant Kruger?
[Pause]
General Streck, German High Command: Very well, let me know if there is any change in his condition.
[Hangs up]
General Streck, German High Command: He's dead.

Latrine, Resistance Member: [Throws dead carrier pigeon on table]
Latrine, Resistance Member: We have a traitor in our midst.
Deja Vu: Well done, Latrine. I see that you have taken care of him appropriately.
Du Quois: [Looks at Deja Vu] Not the bird, you fool! This is a carrier pigeon on its way to the German Headquarters.

And I almost forgot....

Get Over It

Dr. Desmond Forest Oates: I'd like you to read this poster and tell me what it says at the bottom.
Kelly: "No food or drink allowed in the auditorium at any time."
Dr. Desmond Forest Oates: It says "Twelve original songs by Dr. Desmond Forest Oates."
Kelly: Oh, that part.
Dr. Desmond Forest Oates: Yes, that part. I'll tell you what it doesn't say. It doesn't say "Additional lyrics by little miss sassy pants."

Dr. Desmond Forest Oates: Go Del.
Del: Go bid the huntsmen, wake them with their horns.
Dr. Desmond Forest Oates: Hold it- yes um- um what can I... You'd tell me if you'd had a stroke

Dr. Desmond Forest Oates: Mr. Landers, how nice of you to join us. And thanks for not showering. What a super instinct.

Dr. Desmond Forest Oates: What direction do you think "left" is? See, because if you go with your instinct and reverse it, I think we have something happening. How difficult is this? I'm so alone, I think.
Jessica: I am trying. You are intimidating me.
Dr. Desmond Forest Oates: Well you are FRIGHTENING me. You understand that? How do you get dressed in the morning? Do you have people come in, or do you just lie in state?

Dr. Desmond Forest Oates: Keep icing your front bum. Swelling continues if you don't ice. And I need you... not really.

Guess who's back, back again?

2005-11-03T07:22:00.000-05:00

Another week down, I can't believe there's only like 3 weeks until Thanksgiving. Don't they make a tofu turkey? I'll have to check that out.....Anyway, not much going on lately here in the Great Midwest, if you can believe that. Oh I did learn that when an 800 pound piece of telephone equipment falls towards me, it takes me about 3 seconds of holding it up to realize I'm not gonna be able to stop it. How do I continue to get roped into moving ultra-heavy objects?

On a different note, here's a pic of the new Bugatti Veyron:

0-255 mph in 55 seconds, and 1000 hp if anybody has a spare $1.25 million laying around. There's a pretty good article about it in the new Automobile magazine, where they drive one on the Autobahn. Driving that fast means you're covering like 367 feet per second, which is just insane. I can't imagine going that fast in a car, or even being passed by a car going that fast. Clearly drivers there are more friendly than here, because the last time I was involved in a high speed passing situation (as a passenger in a certain RSX), this van pulling a trailer whipped over into the left hand lane for no reason, other than to be a jerk and slow us down. I believe D-Noc had to change his pants after that one.

I guess that's about it for now, I'm off to work. Probably have to go move some more insanely heavy crap for no reason, because that's apparently what I do.

Picture Pages, Picture Pages

2005-10-05T09:14:00.000-05:00

Man I loved that show.........I even used to have that pen that made noise when you drew with it, remember what I'm talking about? Anyway, no Bill Cosby here, just some long promised pics of the 'vic. These are a little dated, but the newer ones got left at home today so this is all I've got.

This is the hospital-like condition of the car when I got it. Just a few seconds later, a surgery happened right there on the floor. But seriously, check out all that change--I made like $2.00!!

This used to be the back seat and spare tire holder. Note the gas tank is literally what the back seat was sitting right on top of (the silver disc covers the fuel pump relay)---how was that safe?

So anyway, that's all I brought today. I thought there was more, but they got left at home. Maybe tonight I can add some more current pictures.

A Message from Beyond the Cubicle.......

2005-09-29T07:10:00.000-05:00

So after many months, my company has finally moved---which is good news for me, since I was the one doing most of the moving. I really don't know how that always happens, but for the most part it seems I always end up with the lion's share of the physical labor at my jobs, which sucks. I need to start faking some old football injury or something, "Sorry guys, but I can't lift that rediculously heavy box because I shattered my spine when we went to State."

On the plus side though, now that we've moved I have my own little cubicle, which happens to be on a corner so I have 3 whole windows behind me. Much better than where I was, which happened to be a concrete block building with no windows, like some sort of bomb shelter.

The Official Wife of PB has been very kind lately when it comes to me working on my "stupid car", so I spent most of last Saturday, and about 6 hours last night working on Project Civic. I have both CRX fenders on, and am working on making the front end fit----sounds confusing, but I'll get some pics as soon as I can make it work. It's going to look pretty sweet though, eventually.

And if you haven't seen it lately, all the kids are talking about DNoc's page, which includes a fabulous story, pics, and link of the Official Sister of PB and her small screen debut...so check that out as well.

As for me, I'm off to stare at the squirrels through my new windows....

Next Stop---5 Speed

2005-08-19T10:33:00.000-05:00

Two quick updates for the 'Vic----Spent about 3 hours gutting the interior last night, which was pretty disgusting. I found a whole bunch of old popcorn underneath the passenger seat, and a couple dead spiders in the trim panels. Overall, though, I think it looks pretty sweet right now---I like that stripped out, clean look. On the plus side, I scored 11 cents cleaning up the popcorn, so the car is practically paying for itself already!
I also ordered the clutch pedal assembly today from EBay, which even after shipping still cost less than running down to the junkyard and pulling one off myself. I've read that this is the hardest part of the automatic to manual conversion, and that I should expect to spend 4 or 5 hours just putting the pedals in, so we'll see how it goes. I'll definately get some pics up soon, both of the interior and the pedals.

$2006 Beginning Budget

$350 Car Purchase

$65 Clutch Pedal Assembly

$0.11 FREE MONEY

____________________

$ 1591.11 Budget Left

Project Civic?

2005-08-17T11:09:00.000-05:00

Hey hey----contrary to those popular Internet rumors, I wasn't eaten by that creepy statue in Nashville. I've just been incredibly busy lately at work, which makes it hard to spend any time messing around online. But eventually, maybe, that will change. Maybe we'll stop living like the Amish and pony up for a real Internet connection when we move.
In the meantime, I've decided that I want to do this. A fabulous magazine called Grassroots Motorsports holds a contest every year to see what people can do on a very tight budget. That budget is determined by the year--for instance, this year's $2005 challenge allowed people to spend $2005 total, including the cost of the car.
It's pretty amazing what people can come up with for challenges like this. I think things like this really bring out the best in people. Some people spend months on their cars, but most are finishing their cars in the parking lot the night before the contest. I figure with my track record, I better get started now.
They do hand out a bunch of different trophies, free t-shirts, and I think the winner gets a pretty expensive set of tires, but for the most part it's just a laid back, everybody helping everybody, go have fun and see what you can do type thing. Which I think sounds awesome---so this past weekend I drove all the way to Evansville to pick up the project car, a 1991 Honda Civic hatchback, as seen here:

I figure if nothing else, I'll end up with a cool little Civic to drive around, and I'm sure I can sell it to somebody if I want to. So I'll be using this blog from now until the contest to keep a running budget total and post updates on the new Civic, since I'll have to prove how much I spent and on what. If anybody has any ideas or suggestions, including but not limited to a cool name for the car, let me know.

$2006 Starting Budget

-$350.00 Car purchase

__________________________

$1656 Current Budget

Freaky

2005-07-22T12:11:00.000-05:00

Most people don't like snakes, some people don't like spiders. But am I the only person that gets creeped out by statues? I don't know what it is, but standing at the foot of a giant statue messes with me. Especially this one. Is that weird?

P.S. For all you arachnophobics out there, I read once that we swallow like 20 spiders a year in our sleep, but how do you think they came up with that number?

Round 1

2005-07-19T15:05:00.000-05:00

In a continuous effort to not feel left out by copying those around me, I too have jumped on the blog bandwagon. I figure if DNoc and The Camel can do it, so can I. Only I will probably do it with particularly less insight and flair, and without the cool nicknames. This could be fun, and it gives me something to do at work instead of trying not to fall asleep, which these days is pretty easy to do. Alright, well, I suppose that's enough for today--don't wanna overwhelm people on my first day. Plus I need to think of some more nicknames for DNoc.......