So as a few of you might be aware, I've been taking a few classes in order to become a paralegal. I've been working on this for a while, actually, but recently switched to a bigger/(hopefully) better program. Anywho, I was reading through what people had posted for one of the assignments today, and someone from Atlanta posted this so I thought I should share it.
"A 1996 District Court case in Georgia involved a particularly litigious prisoner who filed a civil case against a district judge. Through the course of the case, the litigant, Mathew Washington, began filing frivolous motions on a weekly basis, resulting in more than seventy-five pleadings. Most notorious was a motion titled "Motion to Kiss My A$$" (How awesome is that?-pb). Other motions filed by the plaintiff included:"
"Motion to Behoove an Inquisition"
"Motion to Exhume Body of Alex Hodgson"
"Motion for Restoration of Sanity"
"Motion to Invoke and Execute"
"Motion for Deinstitutionalization"
"Motion for Skin Change Operation"
"Motion for Publicity"
"Motion for Nunc pro Tunc"
"Motion for Psychoanalysis"
"Motion to Impeach Judge Alaimo"
"Motion to Renounce Citizenship"
"Motion for Catered Food Services"
"Motion to Invoke and Execute Rule 15-Retroactive Note: The Court's School Days are Over"
Perhaps it's because I've been trying to decipher old court cases for about the past 6 hours and can no longer think straight, but for some reason I was cracking up at a couple of these, especially the first one.
The second part of today's post, (I'm trying to make up for lost time here I guess), is a list of things from one of my favorite writers Dave Berry. I've read quite a few of his books, and used to pretty regularly read his weekly column in the paper. And while I usually despise lists like these, I thought a couple of these were pretty good, and what the heck? If nothing else, it's a good space filler, right?
16 Things it took me a long time to learn
By: Dave Barry, National Syndicated Columnist
1. Never, never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be "meetings".
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "obsessive compulsive behavior".
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody, in this day and age, who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we still observe daylight saving time.
10.You should never say anything to a woman when she asks "Does this dress make my butt look big?" It will be the WRONG answer, no matter what you say.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is about age 12.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention, it never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
16.Thought for the day: Men are like a fine wine...They all start out as grapes, and it is up to some woman to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Purple Rain!!
Prince listens to determine if anyone is as awesome as he is. He waited a while, heard no response, and resumed the show with unchecked awesomeness.
Two announcements I am (rightfully) getting flak for not mentioning before now, even though I haven't really had a lot of time to update this trainwreck until very recently:
1. As I have yet to mention it, I feel compelled (read: forced) to mention the Official Wife's career in the local show business. She is currently wrapping up a "wife" role in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, which involves quite a bit of both singing and dancing. The movie version (?) features a very shirtless Donny Osmond, if that gives you any ideas. (Not those kind of ideas, Brad...)
Having some months back completed a role in The Sound of Music, this is her second full fledged theater experience. Congrats again for a job well done both times, I know a lot of hard work went into both. And yes, I did watch both shows in their entirety, before anyone asks.
2. I am officially "Uncle PB", as the Official Sister of PB (aka the Cap'n)and Cooter became first time parents very early in the morning of January 26th. In my family's continued quest to populate the world with a race of giants, baby Aly weighed in at a whopping 8lbs 10 oz, and was just a shade under 21 inches long. Not to brag, but that's still one full pound and about 4 inches shorter than than my daughter when she was born 2 short years ago. Better luck next time, kiddo. The plan is to Oregon Trail it westward next weekend to see them all in person, so I'll let you all know if and how that goes. Again, congrats all around.
Alright, well, it's late and I'm tired--I'm running on about 4 1/2 hours of sleep, I answered the phone 97 times today (literally, I actually counted), and I've got a long day of nothing planned tomorrow, so I'm out of here. Feel free to revel in the above gloriously awesome "Artist Formerly Known as the Artist Formerly Known as Prince" picture I stole, who despite the monsoons put on probably one of the best Superbowl Halftime shows I've ever seen last weekend.
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Bugatti Veyron
Seeing things like this amazes the crap out of me...First, how is something like this even possible? Second, who buys these things? I know I've talked about this car before, but to see it in action like this, wow. Favorite new automotive stat: at top speed, the tires on the Veyron would only last 15 minutes, but you'd run out of gas in 12 minutes...
On a related note, how great is Top Gear? It's like the car show every guy would make if they could. There was talk of a U.S. version, but I don't know what ever happened to it. If you haven't seen it before, try to check out an episode or two on Youtube of Google Video, it's pretty sweet.
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